The Next Leg of the Journey

First of all, let me apologize for the lack of posts recently. The last few months have been a long stretch of waiting and I didn't feel like I should share anything until we had some answers about the immediate future. Let me catch you up on what's been going on.

At the beginning of the year, we felt the Lord saying that we need to use our remaining time in the States to become better equipped for the ministry God has called us to in Italy. Even though we have completed all the pre-field training that TEAM requires, they had also recommended that we get some additional Bible/ministry training at some point in the future. We had originally thought we wouldn't have time to do that before our departure and decided that we would try to work on that over the next several years, but the Lord made it clear recently that this is something we need to start now.

After praying about it, Stephen and I both applied to Wheaton College in Wheaton, IL to pursue their MA in Evangelism and Leadership. We were drawn to this program because it will be very applicable to the ministry we will be doing in Italy. It is offered in intensive classes that are typically 1 week long, so the schedule is great for missionaries like us who can't go to school for a whole semester at a time. The flexibility of the program would allow us to start the degree before we leave the States and complete the requirements as we come home on furloughs over the next 5 years. Also, because the TEAM headquarters is located just a couple of miles away from the college, we would be able to stay in their missionary housing during our weeks in class. 

Sounds perfect, right? The only potential snag was how we were going to pay for it, but we had learned that there are scholarships offered to missionaries by the Billy Graham Center that would cover most of the costs. We had gotten the impression that the scholarships were fairly easy to get because a couple of years ago, they had more funds than applicants. Surely we would be awarded scholarships! This must be God's provision! With that in mind, we had started making plans about what we would need to do when we got the official word - register for classes, reserve an apartment at TEAM, buy books, etc.

However, the economy has changed a good deal in the last few years, which meant fewer dollars and more applicants. So, when we received the email last Tuesday that we had not been selected to receive the scholarships... well, let's just say that it was not a good day in the Verner house. We cried, we got mad, we felt rejected. All of a sudden, everything we thought God had been saying was up in the air! Did we misunderstand? Was it not God's will for us to go to school? How could we ever pay for it ourselves?

Not only that, but we began to doubt our call. The last 6 months have been a difficult time as we've put a lot of effort into raising support, with very little fruit to show from it. We were already feeling bruised from the lack of response we were getting, but when the Lord pointed us to Wheaton, we thought maybe that was the cause for delay in our funding. Maybe God had allowed it so we could get the additional training we needed. Then all of a sudden, school was not working out either! What was God doing?!?! Here we had given up so much to follow His call and it felt like He was not doing anything to help us out! It seemed like God had abandoned us.

I will admit that I'm not proud of these feelings now, but that's how I felt in the moment. My very wise mom advised me to not make any decisions for the first 24 hours. She suggested that we try to get our minds off of it that first evening and do something fun with our kids, like watch a funny movie. To be honest, I had no desire to watch a movie when it felt like my world was crashing down. But, we took her advice. Actually it really helped, but we still had no answers about what we were supposed to do next.

Ironically, the very next evening we were scheduled to speak to a local youth group who is taking a missions trip to Naples this summer. Their youth pastor wanted us to share about our passion for reaching lost Italians and about why the need for the Gospel is so great in Italy. Before everything happened, we were so excited about the opportunity. But if I can be honest, with all the things we were dealing with, I had no desire to go speak that night. However, we had made a commitment and we weren't going to cancel. I told Stephen that I would go, but that he would have to do all the talking because my heart was too wounded to share.

I had planned to just hang out in the back of the room and listen, but that didn't happen. I began to be pulled into the meeting and started interjecting things that I felt God prompting me to say. As I did, I remembered all the reasons why I said yes to this call in the first place. My heart burns for Italians to know Jesus. To TRULY know Him. That desire doesn't come from me. God placed it there and it didn't go away simply because we got some disappointing news. As Stephen and I spoke to those students, I felt my passion being renewed. That didn't mean that everything was instantly okay, but in His great love for me, the Lord used that time to remind me of His plan for our family. 

So, Stephen and I set a time the next day to sit down and talk about our options and decide how to move forward. One thing we have learned about ourselves is that we make big decisions best over food! We went to Shane's Rib Shack, ordered 2 big, 'ole plates of BBQ and proceeded to determine our next course of action. By this time, it had been about 48 hours since we got the bad news and we had both had time to deal with our emotions somewhat and seek God about His will. As we began to lay out the possibilities, it became clear pretty quickly that we felt God saying the same thing - it was time to take another leap of faith.

You may have heard the saying, "Don't forget in the dark what God told you in the light." It may sound cliche', but it's good advice. First of all , the Lord told us to go to Italy. Even though there are sometimes days when it would be easier to just forget this, I cannot deny that God has called our family there to minister. Secondly, God told us to get some additional training. For some reason that we can't yet see, we will need the knowledge and experience gained at Wheaton College to help us in our future ministry to Italians. Once we clarified those things, the decisions about what to do next came pretty easily. We are planning to start school in the summer and trust God to make a way to pay for it, both now and in the future. In the meantime, we will continue to work to raise our financial support so that we can get to the field.

The other thing that we felt God saying is that it is time to pull up our roots here in Atlanta. Over the last few years, we have slowly relinquished many things so that we could move forward in God's call - ministry responsibilities, jobs, homes, belongings, etc. However, it's time to take the next step, so in just a few weeks we will be moving out of the home we are renting and will become nomadic. We will be storing the things that will be shipped to Italy and will sell or give away everything else. 

The month of June will be spent on the road in Texas to meet with family, friends, and churches in 5 or 6 cities about the work God has called us to in Italy and ask them to come alongside and partner with us to reach Italians with the Gospel. Then we'll head north to Wheaton, IL where we'll be in school during July. In August, we'll probably head south again for GA, but we don't know that for sure. In fact, we don't know much of anything for sure at this point and I'm okay with that right now.

What I do know is that God is in control and that He's working on our behalf even when we can't see it. His Word says that He has a plan for our lives, one that will give us hope and a future. And so we enter the next leg of the journey...