Perfect Timing

    “God’s timing is perfect.”

If I had a dollar for every time I have heard this statement in the last few years, our mission work would be fully funded by now! Even though I sometimes inwardly cringe when I hear that phrase, I can’t deny that it’s true. But can I be completely honest? As a fund-raising missionary who is also a self-admitted control-freak, that is not always what I want to hear. While I know I should WANT to wait for God’s perfect timing, many times I just wish He would hurry up. Not very missionary-like, huh? If you think that’s bad, wait until I tell you the rest.

The last few months have been hard. REALLY hard. Despite my husband and I taking a step of faith by quitting our jobs in August to devote our full efforts to raising our missions budget, our support level has barely risen at all in the last 3 months. Add to that the stresses of starting to homeschool our kids for the first time and trying to provide for our family with no income and you’ll get a picture of what life has been like at our house.

For most of my life, I’ve been a pretty determined individual. I work hard and go after what I want, and most of the time, I accomplish it. For a while, that worked for raising our missions budget too. Over the summer, we launched a campaign and our support level increased by 18% in 90 days. Not too shabby! We were rolling along pretty well for a while until early December. Then, wha-bam! It was kind of like cruising down the highway at 70 mph and all of a sudden you see red lights ahead. You come to shrieking halt and just have to wait. You can’t see anything ahead of you, so you don’t know why you’re stopped. Every once in a while you roll forward a little bit only to have to stop again in 50 feet. That’s bad enough, right? But what if you’re low on gas or a little one in the backseat has to go potty? Now you’re really in trouble!

For about 3 months, that’s what my life felt like. I was stuck, with no way to move forward… or even backward. I didn’t know what was causing the hold up and in the meantime, life was getting pretty stressful with trying to adjust to homeschooling, bills piling up and little money to pay them with, the holidays, etc. For the first few weeks, it was okay. I thought it was only temporary. When a few more weeks went by, I started getting weary. By about week 12, I was pretty ticked off! This is not what I signed up for!

Honestly, I was almost ready to throw in the towel. I found myself sinking into depression and unmotivated to do anything related to missions. I didn’t want to talk about it, write about it, or read about it. Frankly, I just wanted to forget about Italy and what the Lord had called my family to do there. I felt like God had abandoned us.   

One day a few weeks ago, I cried out to the Lord in desperation. I was trying so hard to come to terms with His timing even though I didn’t understand or like it. Then the Lord spoke to me so clearly after what seemed like an eternity of silence. He gently chastised me by saying, “Yes, my timing is perfect, but you do have the ability to mess it up with your wrong attitudes and disobedience.” Whoa.  

At that moment, I was reminded of the Israelites after God rescued them from Egypt. The Lord never intended for them to wander in the wilderness for 40 years, but they chose to believe a bad report from 10 of the 12 spies who scouted out the Promised Land (Num. 13-14). Instead of remembering all the amazing, miraculous things God had done as He freed them from captivity, they focused on the giants in the land and it kept them from seeing the fulfillment of God’s promise in His perfect timing.

I have to admit that I have often judged the Israelites harshly for their actions in the wilderness. How could they witness the miracles the Lord had performed in front of their very eyes and then doubt that He would be able to help them take possession of the land He had promised them? But God so patiently reminded me that day that I have done the same thing. Our family has seen the Lord work in incredible ways over the last several years! He has provided for every need, big and small, in ways that have sometimes boggled our minds. Yet, I was so ready to give up and “go back to Egypt” just because there were a few “giants” in the way. Shame on me!

Thankfully, I serve a God who is “slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion”. (Num. 14:18) Out of His great love for me, He rebuked me in my sin and I’m so grateful. That day was a turning point for me. I determined that I was going to trust God even if things weren’t going in the way or timing that I wanted. That’s not to say that I won’t ever struggle with frustration in this process, but even in my frustration I can choose to accept God’s will.

Not surprisingly, the speed of our journey has picked up a little since that day. We’re still in stop-and-go traffic, but things are starting to move forward again. However, I’m trying to just focus on the Lord and trust that He will clear the way when He is ready. We met with our missions pastor not long after God spoke to me and I relayed the story to him. I told him I thought that because of the experience, a breakthrough was on its way. He wisely said that he thought in God’s eyes, the breakthrough had already happened in my heart. Anything that came after that was just a bonus…

I have to say that I agree with him.