Confessions of a Support-Raising Missionary

Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever get to the mission field. I look at the monthly budget we have to raise and it seems insurmountable. My husband, Stephen, and I spend time every day contacting people to try to set up meetings. We long to share about the vision God has given us to plant churches in Italy and give others a chance to partner with us, but it feels like we get little to no response. While this is top priority to us, for most people it’s not even a blip on their radar. So we try harder to get people's attention, but I fear that I have become the annoying missionary that's always asking for money. Do people see my name on their caller id and let it go to voicemail or groan whenever they see an email from me? Have I become my own worst nightmare?

There are days when I wonder if I totally missed the boat. Did God really say sell everything you have, uproot your family, and move 4,500 miles away to take the Gospel to Italians? Surely the Lord would not have really told Stephen and me to quit our jobs to pursue this insanity? I watch the balance in our checking account dwindle and feel the urge to try to get my old job back or at least put in an application at Starbucks. What happens when the money runs out? What if we haven’t raised the rest of our mission budget by that time? Will we have to move into my parents’ unfinished basement!?!?

But as much as I would sometimes like to forget, I know deep down exactly what God told us to do. He told us to GO. He never promised that it would be easy. In fact, His Word says over and over that we will face hardship. However, we can choose to obey or disobey. Ultimately, it’s our choice.

Believe me, there are days when I would like to take Door #2 and go back to my regular life – the one where I didn’t have to give up my stuff, I had a paycheck deposited in my account every 2 weeks, and I could raise my children within an hour’s drive of their grandparents’ houses. There’s just one little problem. Like Jeremiah, I have a fire in my bones… and it burns for Italians to know Jesus. Even if I wanted to quench the fire, I can’t.

So, where do I go from here? To the place I should have gone to begin with – my heavenly Father.

Lord, I don’t have all the answers, but I know that You do. Even when I’m frustrated that things aren’t moving along as quickly as I would like, I know that You are in control. Even though we may not have a regular salary right now, I know that You alone are our source. Although I may not understand why you would pick someone like me for this job, I trust that You have a plan that is better than anything I could conceive. Forgive me for doubting, Lord! I put it all back in Your more than capable hands. Help me have the faith to leave it there. Amen.