Counting the Cost

Today my niece, Layla, was born and I wasn't there to see it. I'm in the mountains of southwestern NC attending a training on second language acquisition. While that will be important for our future as missionaries in Italy, the only place I really want to be right now is at the hospital in Athens, GA. My younger sister, Gayle, was rushed to the ER in an ambulance this afternoon and gave birth during an emergency c-section. At the time, I was in a group session with a language helper and missed all 3 calls from my mom, who was trying to reach me. I didn't get the messages until it was all over. Layla is currently in the NICU because she swallowed blood and fluid in utero and I can't even be there to comfort my sister. I feel totally helpless.

I have a feeling that this is just a taste of the many things I will miss out on once I live on another continent: birthdays, weddings, births, graduations, holidays... The list seems endless. As hard as it is to think about, I wonder what will happen when a family member gets sick or dies. If I feel this powerless a mere 200 miles away, how will I cope when I'm almost 5000 miles away, separated from loved ones by an ocean?

Suddenly, Luke 14:26 has a deeply personal meaning.

If people come to me and are not ready to abandon their fathers, mothers, wives, children, brothers, and sisters, as well as their own lives, they cannot be my disciples. (GOD'S WORD Translation)

In theory, most of us would say that we are willing to do this for Christ. But actually doing it is another thing altogether.

The passage continues on like this:

So those who do not carry their crosses and follow me cannot be my disciples. “Suppose you want to build a tower. You would first sit down and figure out what it costs. Then you would see if you have enough money to finish it. Otherwise, if you lay a foundation and can’t finish the building, everyone who watches will make fun of you. They’ll say, ‘This person started to build but couldn’t finish the job.’

Part of the process for us as we prepare for the mission field is counting the cost of this call. What I've determined is that the cost is high. Probably higher than I can even comprehend at this point. Today was just a glimpse of the sacrifices we will make to be obedient to God's command to go into all the world and make disciples.

So, have I changed my mind?

It's tempting, I'll admit. But the one thing that keeps me going is that Jesus knows exactly how I feel. He left his Father and home in heaven and came down to earth so that he could save the world. How amazing to think that the Son of God loved us so much that he was willing to subject himself to the limitations of humanity for our sakes. While we long to bask in the continual presence of God, Jesus gave it up so that ultimately we could share in that great pleasure with him. Suddenly, leaving family and friends here in the States seems like a small sacrifice in comparison to the price he paid.

As I walk forward in this calling to take the Gospel to Italians, I can be sure that there is nothing I will face that Jesus cannot see me through. He will understand how I feel when I'm struggling to communicate the most important Message ever preached to people who don't understand or reject what I'm saying.

Many among his disciples heard this and said, "This is tough teaching, too tough to swallow." Jesus sensed that his disciples were having a hard time with this and said, "Does this throw you completely?... Every word I've spoken to you is a Spirit-word, and so it is life-making. But some of you are resisting, refusing to have any part in this." John 6:60-61, 63-64 (MSG)

He will feel my pain deeply as I mourn the family and life that I've left behind. 

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Ps. 56:8 (NLT) 

When I want to throw in the towel because the task ahead of me is too hard, he will know all too well how I feel.

Then he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, knelt down, and prayed, "Father, if it is your will, take this cup of suffering away from me..." Luke 22:41-42 (GOD'S WORD Translation)

But while Jesus may have longed to forgo the cross, the rest of that verse says, "However, your will must be done, not mine.” And so it must be with me.

Even though it will be the hardest thing I've ever done, when the time comes I WILL get on that plane with my husband and children and our few worldly belongings. Although we know almost no one there, we will make a new life for ourselves in a land that is not our own and try to adapt to the culture as best we can. We will devote ourselves to learning the language well so that we can reach a people group that may not really understand why we're there. And when the going gets tough, we will dig in our heels and stay!

Why? Because that is exactly what Jesus did for us.