The Longing for Italy

On January 5, Stephen and I submitted our initial applications to TEAM (The Evangelical Alliance Mission) to become full-time missionaries to Italy. (You can read a little background about this decision at http://vernerverbiage.blogspot.com/2009/02/call.html.) The months since then have been a little like a roller coaster ride as we have worked to complete our applications and processed through all the emotions of this call God has placed on our lives. I could pretend that it has all been rosy, but that would be a lie. But, even through the difficulty and the occasional doubt, God has confirmed over and over that this is truly His plan for our lives. The last few weeks especially have been important as God has revealed the next steps in His plans as we transition towards our future lives in Italy. I wrote the following during a staff prayer meeting several weeks ago and wanted to share.

God,

I am overwhelmed by this call on my life. I am ill-equipped and unprepared. Are you sure you have the right girl? Who am I to preach the gospel to the Italians? What do I know about reaching the lost? I'm no mighty warrior for You. I'm just a wife and mother. Italy is going to be a hard place to live. Do I have what it takes to make it there? I don't know. I feel unprepared and weary. I feel so ineffective where I am now. Why do I think it'll be different there where language is no longer a connection, but instead a barrier? Where the ways of doing things are so foreign to me?

Yet, I long for Italy in the way an expectant mother longs for her unborn child. I think about it and plan for it. I read everything I can about it and dream about what it'll be like. I pray for Italy. I am burdened by the lost there. Their faceless figures haunt me... people who desperately need Jesus and don't even know it. They think themselves to have anything and everything they need. Their cathedrals stand as empty, ancient testaments to a faith that is no longer relevant to them. I long to scream out and get their attention, tell them that although outwardly they seem to have everything, that there is Someone who can fill that empty space inside, the space they ignore and tell themselves is not really there. I'm haunted by the 1,000 teenagers a year that kill themselves in Milan because they can't measure up to a standard of beauty or success that is unattainable. I want to tell them that there is One who loves them just as they are.

In a country that is reknown for it's beauty in landscape, architechture, art, and language, there is a people who have forgotten the Creator behind all those things. I pray, God, that You would have mercy on them and that You would save the people of Italy. Send workers to make a difference in their lives. I lay down my life and everything that I have. I may not be the most qualified, but I'm willing and though it cost me everything, I will go and tell them your story of grace and forgiveness. Give me the strength that I need to do what You've called me to do...

Brandy