The Precipice

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. Life is a little crazy right now. I don't have much time to write at the moment, but I wanted to post something that I wrote a little over a year ago. As I read back over this, I'm overwhelmed because God has recently revealed the adventure that He has in store for Stephen and me and at times it takes my breath away. I'll write more about that soon, but in the meantime, read the beginning of my story. I can't wait for the next part!

Brandy

Do you remember a time in your life when you were young and the world was wide open to you? You could do anything, be anyone, go anywhere... the sky was the limit. Well, I still feel young, but gone is that wide-eyed view that life will be everything I ever wanted. Don't get me wrong. I still dream of happily-ever-afters, but I know that, unfortunately, life often intrudes and fantasies make way for realities; some good and some not so good... but you put on your big girl panties and make the best of it.

I look around me sometimes and wonder, is this all I was created for? To do the daily routines: drive the kids to school, plug away at a computer all day, make dinner, do laundry... Is this it? You've got to be kidding me! When God knit me together in my mother's womb, what did He have in mind? I've always felt destined for some great thing that God had in store for me. I feel like I'm on the verge of this huge precipice with my toes hanging over the edge, leaning forward ever so slightly to peek over and see what God has planned for me. What holds me back? Is it God pulling on my shirt, reigning me in until just the right time, or... maybe it's me. What am I afraid of? Maybe I fear that I just don't have what it takes. Maybe just being me is no longer good enough...

Sometimes I look into my children's blue eyes and I wonder, "Am I the best mom to them that I can be?" I know the answer deep in my heart and wish desperately that it were a different one. I find myself growing angry with my husband or becoming bitter about things that were done to me and I think, "Who am I to desire to do something great for God?" I am nothing, nobody, a selfish sinner.

Thankfully, however, I don't have to rely on my own goodness. There was a price paid for me, which I never deserved. And while I can never repay the debt Jesus paid on my account, I long to do something to show my Savior that His death was not in vain. I'm starting small: in my family and in my community, and waiting for God to bring more opportunities to share about the precious gift that I was given. Each day, the Lord shows me something new about myself and even more importantly, about Himself. Slowly but surely, He's molding me. I have no idea what the finished product will look like, but I press forward.

As I look out on the precipice that is the new year, I dream of the things that God will do and pray for the strength to do my part. I creep closer to the edge and the other side comes into view. I can't see clearly, but it's there, in the distance... a hazy view of the adventures God has for me on the other side. I feel life pulling me from behind: work, family, church, ministry; all asking me to focus on them. While all of them are good things, I wonder if there's more? And then, there's a sound that starts to break through the clambering voices vying for my attention. It's God calling to me from the other side, telling me of the things He has in store for me, asking me to focus on Him and allow Him to take care of the rest, saying "Brandy, trust me and see the wonders that I will reveal." I lean forward and strain to hear the voice of the One who gives all things and pray, "Lord, give me the courage to leap..."